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Well, it finally happened. I had the full-fledged beard shaving dream. Unlike my previous similar dream, this time I actually shaved everything off. It was really quite a bizarre dream, but I think I can interpret it well enough.

For some reason, I had shaved off my moustache and was showing my wife my big beard with no moustache and she was like “big deal”, when suddenly my aunt started calling me on Skype. I decided to surprise her and quickly dashed off to the bathroom to shave off the rest of my beard before taking the call. When I got back in front of the computer and took her call, I could see in the small image of myself that I was indeed clean shaven, however my skin was tinted orange like a bad spray-on tan or a solarium junkie. I was horrified. My aunt, who thinks men should be clean shaven only, was very positive. After the call, I started sobbing to my wife about having shaved. She tried to be positive, but I was inconsolable. Now I would only have a short beard for the 17th of May at best – and I was really looking forward to wearing my kilt that day with a big beard. It was really quite devastating.

Then I woke up and laughed to myself. I remembered that the dream had stemmed from another dream about having to contact my neighbours who were out of town on vacation about their car headlights being on. These neighbours happen to have a daughter who is exactly the same shade of orange as I was when I saw myself in my dream. Such orange girls have always disgusted me. Perhaps this is clean-shaven orange self I saw was the subconscious realisation that the clean-shaven me is just as fake as that girl's orange tan? I am also getting a little tired of having a big beard (about 6 months untrimmed now) and looking forward to trimming down to a George V beard that emphasises my handlebar instead of diminishing it; but not until the end of May!