NOTE TO MODERATORS: I thought of putting this in the Teen Forum, but it's relevant to many who are beyond teenage years.
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Open Letter to All My Younger Bearding Brothers and Men with Less Than Full Beards,
I am 40 years old. At this point I can finally grow what passes for a carved out beard and am still waiting for my cheeks to come in. I am finally letting it grow out regardless of what anyone else on this planet says or thinks about it. Only one person's opinion truly matters, and that one person is me.
I am going to tell you what I wish an older man with more facial hair had told me 25 years ago.
When my facial hair started coming in, growing it was an uphill battle. I had nobody to turn to who really understood, and certainly no support to let it grow and mature. So I smooth shaved my face for two decades, stunting my new growth and walking around with the face of a woman for basically my entire adult life. Though we cannot change the past, it does offer lessons, and in hindsight some of what I have learned could be helpful to others now going through what I went through back then.
So I am giving to you a little bit of what I wish I had received 25 years ago, in hopes I can encourage you and help you break through -- to support you in your journey of self-discovery.
First and foremost, I am proud of you for having the courage to grow out your facial hair. Whether all you've got is a little fuzz on your chin, or modest new sideburns, or a faint mustache finally breaking through, I admire you for letting it grow rather than scraping and abusing your skin and in doing so stunting your facial hair growth.
I respect you for having the guts to withstand the looks you get from others -- the social discomfort at home, in the workplace or out on the town.
I congratulate you for ramping up your self-worth, self-respect and self-determination.
I admire you, my younger bearding brother. Deeply.
After careful reflection, it is now my considered opinion that it takes significantly more courage to grow out a small amount of sparse facial hair than it does to grow out a full beard. (The only exception might be the long beard, but that's another topic for another day.) A full beard is widely accepted by comparison. And that battle for acceptance is the crossroads all men must pass through when they decide to grow facial hair. One must change tracks and begin placing self-acceptance above acceptance from others. That pivotal change is where all beards are born. A man with a full, thick beard gains easier, faster, wider acceptance from others, and thus his path is much simpler. If you think that through carefully, you will surely agree.
In many societies, men have been encouraged to shave their faces for centuries. On battlefields, a big beard was a handhold in hand to hand combat -- a definite detriment. Bald faces also helped distinguish friend from foe on the front lines. In the bedroom, women wanted (and often still desire) smooth skin and tamer men. In societies in general, there was and still seems to be a collective desire among the "civilized" and "elite" to do away with the wildness of men in general -- to go from warring to peace and from the cave to the condo.
Some people also want younger men to shave to keep them as children, to keep them in control, to keep them conforming. It is strange indeed that while manhood is revered on one level, it is heartily opposed on another. Life is full of dichotomies and inconsistencies that make no sense to the rational mind. It's what makes sense to your own mind that should matter most to you.
Along the way, somewhere in that process were men would couldn't grow a full beard encouraging all men to shave their faces smooth. And to this day, men who don't have the guts (or potential) to grow their beards are still telling fellow men to cower alongside them.
The new American president recently said to the media that he can't grow a beard. In politics, few let their facial hair grow. He certainly never will
while in office. The leader of the free world (in many respects) cannot grow his full beard, so he shaves his face like a woman's face. He seems to really
admire Abraham Lincoln, yet he doesn't emulate his idol in the facial hair department. In some respects, it might be fair to say that you have more Facial
Hair Courage than the new U.S. President -- a man who can literally pretty much do anything he pleases. If he had a full beard, he might just do it. But he
doesn't have a full beard, and it would take a lot more guts to let it grow in when it's not full, so it'll never happen.
The beard has a long way to go to regain its rightful place in society. And young men being encouraged to let it grow is a part of the full return to
beardedness.
Regardless of the reasons in the "how we got to this point" conversation, there is a widely accepted social agreement that real men shave their faces. And that idea is a lie.
Men grow facial hair. And young men grow what they can while their beards come in.
It's not always easy when your facial hair is sparse. In fact, quite the opposite. Some people look at you funny. Some openly laugh at you, make fun of you. Some may even rudely tell you, as I was told at 19, "you need to accept that you can't grow a beard and shave that sh!t off your face!"
Up their collective rear ends. Down with their criticism and scorn. Your face is yours, and you have every right to let it grow.
The big key in letting what you have grow is Patience. The second big key is Grooming and Care. And there is ample support for you in those two key areas right here in this community. Then all that's left is to strengthen your stamina and resolve to become more of yourself as a man.
I am glad you are here. I want you to stay. I believe in your cause and quest to healthily and naturally let your facial hair grow and mature. And in most situations with most younger men, there is a way you can let it grow and still get along just fine in your life. For the vast majority of younger men, that choice really and truly is up to you and you alone.
Just know that when you do make that choice, you are definitely among brothers here who care about what you are going through.
