Gentlemen, friends all, the family I choose,

Being able to bury my head in data and spreadsheets and pretty much ignore everyone except for you and your thoughtful, considerate comments, really helped my put this episode behind me. It gave me the time and context I needed to sort it out, and yielded a couple of a-has. It's been easy to ignore the comment from my friend as just another jab from someone prone to such but, as you might expect, sorting out the stuff with my mom has been a little more challenging. Love her as I do there are some things that, in hindsight, show this was probably going to happen. First, being a woman of her generation and upbringing in the US south, she makes passive aggression an art form (my wife likes to say she deserves a black belt in it!), so the comment is classic, and typical. The reason it stung so much, I think, is that growing up I was a boy who was WAY outside the social norms of the Deep South. I liked classical music, I grew flowers, and I hated sports yet she defended me like a tigress and I took her silence or occasional platitudes on the whole topic of my beard as tacit acceptance, a naive position on my part. Second, though I left the South immediately after college and never looked back (no offense intended to Southerners or the Southern way of life, it's just that I realized early on it wasn't for me), she regularly teases my wife, only half-jokingly, of stealing me away and turning me into a left-coaster (my wife's from California). So, yes, there was more to her comment, and my response to it than I realized when I posted about it and you all being the wise worldly gents that you are caught that immediately. It just took me a bit more time.

Maybe there's still a little boy in all of us who craves his mother's praise and it's hard when you don't get it, especially when it's something in which you take pride, as I do with my beard. For me this beard represents a new chapter in my life, one of which I am very proud and in which I am very happy. Will I address this with her as I proposed in my post? Probably not. I don't see the purpose now. It won't change anything, is of little relevance, and probably won't come up again. Besides, I just don't want to. My wife and daughter, my friends, my colleagues, you all - the family I choose - are who matter most in this.

I'll be gone to Seattle all weekend indulging a passion that my mother encouraged. I'll be there for the semi-annual training that I need to maintain my orchid judging certification. I think I'll toast her at dinner tomorrow night for doing such a good job of teaching me to follow my passions and my heart, regardless of what others may think.

So, again, thank you all, my bearded brothers, the family I choose.

Tom

PS Don, you'd be amazed what you can find on the merch tables at roller derby play-offs


Some helpful links:
Library Central of Beard Growing


Taming the Wild Mustache
Tips for eating and drinking with a big mustache

Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. ~ W. Somerset Maugham
A jerk with a beard is just a bearded jerk, but a bearded gentleman is awesomeness personified. ~ Triibeard
Last Edited By: Tom E Nov 20 15 10:23 PM. Edited 2 times.